I never set out to be a co-sleeping Mama, it just sort of happened. I saw a cute co-sleeping bed attachment on Pinterest and thought my husband could build it, no need for a bassinet or an extra 'thing' in our already small bedroom. I remember asking the midwife if it looked safe and she educated me on how beneficial co-sleeping actually was. She explained how my body would naturally curl around my son, how much easier nighttimes can be in a co-sleeping situation. I thought this will be amazing for the first few months.
My son is almost two and we have co-slept as a family every single night since he was born. People often ask, what does your husband think? As if he, too, doesn't savour the sleepy snuggles or feet kicking him in the face. Honestly, both my husband and I love co-sleeping and hope to continue for as long as our son enjoys it. There's something so incredibly bonding about being in your most vulnerable state — sleeping — together. The skin to skin contact, the morning time snuggles, the easeful feedings; for us, there have been no negatives.
I've heard a lot of other co-sleeping mamas talk about the push back from others, the negative opinions or conversations with those who think it is unsafe or dangerous. Personally, that hasn't been my experience. Most people I've talk to about co-sleeping are so supportive, or just inquisitive. A lot of mothers have told me they look back and they wish they had, especially in the early months. There's something so beautiful about not having to get up every two hours with your newborn, just being able to wake up and nurse, without ever standing. I remember those broken nights, the glow from the salt rock lamps, the diaper changes that became second nature. I remember the first time I was able to feed my son side-laying and what an enormous victory that was. There's so much beauty in that newborn blur, that haze that is all encompassing. All newborn and postpartum experiences are so vastly different, by I truly believe that our choice to co-sleep really helped our experience.
I have been asked a lot about the transition when our son does find his own sleeping space. If we have a plan for when or how we will navigate that, and honestly, we don't. We have adopted the parenting style of "we will cross that bridge when we come to it." I imagine there will come a time when my son wants his own space, and I'm sure that will break my heart a little, but I'll honour whatever he needs in the stage he's in. If it doesn't work, if he changes his mind, we'll always welcome him back into our bed.
Another question that comes up is what we will do if we expand our family. My dream would be to continue to family bed-share, but I'm not sure about the reality of newborn night-wakes and a toddler trying to sleep. I'm sure there is a way to navigate this and I'm quite confident we would find it. Maybe you the reader could shed light on this? Do you have a co-sleeping experience you are open to sharing?
I feel like there's so much noise in the parenting space, so much conviction in each decision. What I dream of are these types of conversations where mothers can openly share their experience without shame or judgement, to just express their own individual experience, and to shed light and compassion. What works for one mother and family might not work for the next. Some of my best friends advocate so deeply for sleep training, they swear by it. For me and my son, the cry-it-out method was just not something we could handle emotionally; the one time I tried it I lasted 1 minute outside my sons door before my heart screamed at me, tears rolling down my face. It just wasn't for us, but it has worked wonders for so many. A part of motherhood I understand so deeply now: what is right for one might be wrong for another, there truly are no absolutes.
I hope that these open topics spark conversations. I hope they encourage you to feel empowered to listen to those gentle whispers in your heart on your motherhood journey, rather than the bold texted meme online or the outspoken mother at story time. You know what's right for your family, for your baby, that is a fact.
Tonight, as you lay in bed surrounded by your cozy sheets, soft linen, head resting on your pillow, your baby either cuddling next to you, or nursing quietly, or dreaming sweet dreams in the room next to yours, I hope you feel supported not only by yourself and your own personal wisdom, but by me. I hope you know I'm proud of you, Mama, I'm so very proud of us both. Motherhood is the most incredibly full-on experience one will ever go through. So snuggle in deep to those luscious sheets and enjoy your well deserved rest.
As always, if you want to continue this conversation, or want insight or feedback, I would love to connect. I’d love to hear if any of this felt nourishing to you, if it felt aligned or thought-provoking. To some, these might just be worlds typed on a page, but to me this is so much more. So again, thank you for gifting me your precious time to read my thoughts.
Until next month
xoxo
~ Lacey Iris